MY UGLY DUCKLING

“Heyy! You know what?! Hyunji had kissed six times in her life! Six! Isn’t that amazing?!”

It was around two in the morning when my phone started shrilling. Rousing my sleep, it rang and rang until I answered the phone. Praying for the phone call to be a short one, I answered a bit annoyingly. And that, the kiss-issue thing, was the answer.

“Wha…what? Hyunji? Six?”
“Oh, comeon! You remember that bony little girl in Virginia we used to know? She’s got sooo much beautiful! Gosh! She told me about this hot guy named Chris! She said she had to step on his feet in order to kiss him because his head was high up in the air!”

Then, finally, I could notice who she was. My sister! My sister who’s a year younger than me! The one who went abroad three weeks ago all by herself!

“That’s amazing! I mean… That’s impossible for me at least. You know what I mean.”
“Sure, sure. Yes. But school restriction is nothing. They still do all those things, you know, hanging around having some close physical contacts and all…”
“True to some people. Sad.”
“Well, anyway! You know what people here told me? They said I’m pretty! Adorable! Can you believe that?”

Her voice sounded excited, more than I’ve ever heard. She’s never sounded so happy in her 15 year life, as far as I remember. Amazing, I thought. How could she change so much in 3 weeks?

The night before she left to Virginia, she and I talked all over the night, until the dim sunlight shined on our face. She was deeply concerned about her life in America-how she would speak in English so well, how she would make all those friends, how she would catch up all those school learning stuff. It then seemed like she was too worried about going to America alone. It seemed as if she was forced to go there by someone. But actually, it was my sister who ‘importuned’ my mom to let her go to America alone.

My sister always had troubles with her in Korea. It doesn't mean that she's troublesome, it's just she doesn't fit into Korean society so well. Although she didn't have any problem with making friends and all, she hated to go to school. Classes were getting her off to sleep. Instructive lectures were simply too boring for her to stay awake. She lost her desire to participate in class naturally, and this directly affected her test score. For a 'mathematic-girl', memorizing several textbooks was just too much. When she totally gave up with her Japanese class, she had to pay harsh for it. Her Japanese grade turned out to be 'F'. Other than these 'ridiculous' school issues, she had a bigger issue in her mind. This hidden issue was hidden deeply in her wounded heart. It was the 'inferiority complex'.
We have a younger brother, who is about six years younger than us. He was a cute, dear child from his birth. Being the youngest boy in our family, he was always fondled and loved no matter what he did. As for my sister, who had been the youngest little girl for seven years, my brother was a real pain in her neck who took away everyone's love from her. But since she knew this childish jealousy wasn't to change anything, she kept this feeling to herself.
Another thing is about me, a sister year older than her. My sister and I used to everything together. We went to same school, same institutions, we went to Canada together, played in the same orchestra. We even had same beds, same desks, in the same room that we shared. The thing is, she is a bit different from me. Going to same school, institutions, and over to Canada together, we had different outputs. My iBT score were up 30 points after staying in Canada, while hers never did. School report cards showed differences in grades between my sister and I. She could never be in the same class with me in private institutions. This never meant her was not as good as me. She was a lot better than me in solving complicated math problems. She had a brilliant intuition which made an outstanding understanding in physics. She showed significant talent in designing. It's just, her talents never had an opportunity to be shown off. They never had an opportunity to be recognized by adults, even my mom.
The last part was her appearance. She didn't have big eyes. She didn't have a sharp nose nor a lily-white skin. She didn't have double eyelids. She wasn't large of limb. Koreans, obsessed over attaining a more Western look, considered my sister's appearance 'plain', or even sometimes, 'ugly'. Even my family never spoke nice about her appearance. Just like other teenagers, she cared about her appearance with her whole heart. However, people's fixed thought left a deep complex in my sister's heart. She wanted to be loved by people. She wanted to be loved by our parents, but it just seemed like she was an 'ugly duckling' with a plain face, miserable exam grades, and rude behaviors.

So, it was so good to hear my sister's vigorous voice on the phone. We talked for an hour and a half as if to catch up after three-week separation. We chatted as if to share everything, even the most minor things in the world. We chatted on and on until both of us fell into silence.

"I gotta go. I'm going out for a late lunch."
"Sure. I gotta go to bed. Or else I'll oversleep and miss wonderful Sunday breakfast."
"Right...It's almost four in the morning there... Oh! And last thing."
"What is it?"
"Happy birthday, InHee."
"Thanks. Love you."
"Luv ya, too!"


I could see an ugly duckling throwing herself at the flock of swans. I could see an ugly duckling being welcomed, loved by the flock of swans. And I could see an ugly duckling spreading her beautiful large wings and taking flight high in the blue sky.

Miss you so much, liz♥